Undateable

A style guide to everything you're doing wrong

Many women will tell you, "It's what's on the inside that counts." They'll throw around notions like "confidence" and "sense of humor" and claim not to care what kind of shirt you wear as long as there's a good heart underneath it. These women are liars. Or they've never been on the losing end of a blind date with a spray-tanned man in acid-washed skinny jeans. Because as Darwin and book covers teach us, what's on the outside can often give a pretty good indication of the quality within. This is the lesson we learned from Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle's very funny new book Undateable—a manual for men who hope to interact with the opposite sex. Here, for your benefit, GQ presents the 19 worst fashion offenses from this essential new guide to making sure your genes get passed on.—Bess Kalb

Embellished jeans

Studded with rivets, designed with crystal swirls, embroidered, tattooed, painted…In your sincere attempt to be "hip," you have actually ended up dressing like a seventeen-year-old girl.

Guylights

Highlighting, frosting, or bleaching your hair. Why is it the guys with the biggest muscles do the girliest things? Go tell your date you'll pick her up as soon as you're done "frosting your tips" and let us know how that goes.

Mesh clothing

When you wear mesh, are you telling us you're so hot that if you wore regular clothes they would burst into flames? These clothes are appropriate nowhere.

Ed Hardy

If you are over twenty-one and now working for a living, it's the King of the Douches look. (See: Jon Gosselin.) Absurd. Don't be a victim.

Sunglasses indoors or at night

Comedian Larry David put it best… "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes."

Sports jerseys

Only acceptable at a sporting event. Actually, we take that back. This whole look is just plain queer. And by queer we don't mean gay. A gay man would never be caught dead in one. They make you look like a big, lumbering seven-year-old.

Pinky rings

If you're wearing a pinky ring, let's consider what you're telling us about yourself. You feel a kinship to fur coats, pimps, Vegas, drug dealers, mobsters, silk shirts, Guidos, and Liberace. If that's what you want to tell us, okay. You just need to understand this look is very limiting. Sex? Fuggheddaboudit!

Sideways baseball hat: A.K.A "the Hat Tilt"

Unfortunately, this has become a national epidemic. The fact that you stood in front of a mirror, making your puckered-lipped "I'm so cool" face, popping your "lid" at the perfect angle to get this exact look is so loserish it scares us.

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